Malcolm, Aleen by The Taming

Author:The Taming [Taming, The]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Historical Romance, Georgian, Eighteenth Century
Publisher: Dell, May 1979
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Fiona woke the next morning, alone and feeling sick inside. What had she been reduced to? She had actually payed the pitiful little whore wanting her to be gone, not able to face the fact that her treacherous body had betrayed her. What was the matter with her? Where was her pride and dignity? She burst into tears as she realized she had lost them. She had become the very thing she despised in other women. She was spiteful, grasping, possessive. Why? She steeled herself, stopping her self-pitying sobs, rationally telling herself that she loved Alex and because of that love she'd stoop to anything to keep him.

Fiona stared at herself in the mirror. She imagined Cameron's face, and she compared herself to the young green-eyed girl, feeling very old. Where had the years gone? Why didn't the lonely days and nights speed by as rapidly? Lonely was the word she feared—to be alone as the wrinkles cracked her face into a million pieces, to be alone as her breasts lost their firmness and sagged, dragging her youth, beauty, and life with them. A nightmarish future loomed ahead and she saw herself as all the gross caricatures she'd mocked and sneered at. She saw a pathetic, painted hag paying young men for their favors so she could pretend she was still desirable.

She didn't feel any different than when she was fifteen. Life had been child's play, a game, and she had been playing a part, swaying majestically between her gaming tables. She had been a naughty little girl dressed up in her mother's clothes. What had happened changing it all to such stark and unwelcome reality?

Fiona thought back to when she first met Alex two years before. He had seemed much older than his peers, who laughed and embarrassingly displayed their callowness. He had seemed self-contained and stood out from the crowd, his handsome chiseled face assessing her frankly. Those amber eyes had smiled cynically, as though he knew her game of make-believe and found her amusing. She'd felt uncomfortable and yet excited. Their arrangement—how she hated that cold word—had been stated by Alex from the onset of their affair and she had agreed, though inwardly she screamed in protest. She had acted the role of the independent worldly woman, insisting they both have the right to take other lovers, hoping he would display some jealousy, but he didn't. She had refused to take anything material from him, knowing instinctively that he'd be impressed by that, and for two long years she had slept with no one but him, even though her whole being lurched sickeningly at the thought of him embracing others. She had played her part so well, even pretending she had other lovers, so he wouldn't think of her as possessive or grasping.

What had she done wrong? Just grown old; but apart from that she could think of nothing except a few trifling bitchy displays, but she didn't think they could be taken seriously. After all, she was only acting her part.

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